Author Topic: Share a joke...  (Read 34716 times)

Offline ixlone

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Share a joke...
« on: July 21, 2011, 09:12:42 pm »
My first offering:

After shagging a fat chick whilst I was drunk the next morning I said to her, "Here, if you want to see me again call this number."

"Awww, men don't usually give me their numbers," she responded.

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Offline Zerpo

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Re: Share a joke...
« Reply #1 on: July 22, 2011, 05:34:21 am »
Here is one i read awhile back

A young man finally got a date with the blonde female that lived in his apartment complex. To prepare for his big date, the young man went up on to the roof of his apartment building in order to tan himself. Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude.

Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof and managed to get sunburn on his "tool of the trade". But, he was determined not to miss his date, so he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze.

The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a home cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie. During the movie, however, the young man's sunburn started acting up again. He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen and poured a tall, cool glass of milk.

He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain. The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his member immersed in a glass of milk.

Upon seeing this, the blonde exclaimed, "So that's how you guys load those things!"

SO much love...
Firstly, DAMN YOU ZERPO for picking three of my favourites.
Damn you Zerpo =_=

Offline Hanover Fist

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Re: Share a joke...
« Reply #2 on: July 22, 2011, 05:57:39 am »
Three construction workers become friends building a new skyscraper. On the day of it's completion the architect, the part-time bartender and the average rivet-pounder sit on the roof, enjoying the view and getting drunk in celebration.

The architect staggers over to the edge and starts ranting about air currents and thermodynamics, saying "...these new buildings are so tall and aerodynamically designed, that you can throw yourself off the edge and the airflow from the wind flux will push you back up to the top."

He proceeds to throw himself over the edge, to the horror of the other two. He falls about two-thirds of the way, slows to a hover and is pushed back up to the top. The rivet-pounder asks him do this from the corners and edges of the building a few times before hurling himself off the edge - to land with a meaty splat on the ground.

The bartender looks at the architect and says "Superman, you're a mean drunk."

Offline Mimori

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Re: Share a joke...
« Reply #3 on: July 23, 2011, 04:01:34 pm »
A man walks into a bar and sits down next to a lady and a dog. The man asks, "Does your dog bite?". The lady answers, "Never!" The man reaches out to pet the dog and the dog bites him. The man says, "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" The woman replies, "He doesn't. This isn't my dog."

Offline ryuu_zer0

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Re: Share a joke...
« Reply #4 on: July 24, 2011, 03:19:03 pm »
Helium walked into a bar.
The barman says to him, "We don't serve your type here."

Helium doesn't react.

Offline Hanover Fist

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Re: Share a joke...
« Reply #5 on: July 24, 2011, 03:42:03 pm »
Two atoms leave a bar.
One says "Oh shit! I lost an electron."
The other says "Are you sure?"
"Yes! I'm positive!"

Offline AzureHakua

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Re: Share a joke...
« Reply #6 on: July 24, 2011, 07:55:00 pm »
Lol, these jokes were in my Chemistry textbook.

Also, I have a question: Are slightly racist jokes allowed? I have a few good ones, but I'd like to respect everyone's race before sharing.

Offline ixlone

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Re: Share a joke...
« Reply #7 on: July 24, 2011, 07:55:46 pm »
Can always spoiler tag it.

Offline InfinityStream

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Re: Share a joke...
« Reply #8 on: July 28, 2011, 07:24:45 pm »
Well, it's technically a joke so...

You just lost the game.

I'm kidding.

Slightly racist (Completely racist) so I'm spoiler tagging it.

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I didn't like all those pics in my sig...

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Offline AzureHakua

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Re: Share a joke...
« Reply #9 on: July 29, 2011, 06:15:03 am »
All right, here's a racist one then...
This is a verbal joke, so it doesn't really flow well in text.

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Offline ixlone

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Re: Share a joke...
« Reply #10 on: July 29, 2011, 10:36:05 pm »
I said to my two-year-old son, "Now, what noise does a cat make?"

"Miaow!"

"Good, but do you know what noise a dog makes?"

"Woof woof!"

"That's right! Now tell me what noise a cow makes?"

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Offline Hanover Fist

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Re: Share a joke...
« Reply #11 on: August 04, 2011, 10:33:57 am »
These are pretty terrible. View at your own risk. ;)

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Offline Krozam

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Re: Share a joke...
« Reply #12 on: August 04, 2011, 10:38:30 pm »
How do you make a cat go "woof"
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Offline Hanover Fist

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Re: Share a joke...
« Reply #13 on: August 04, 2011, 10:46:47 pm »
How do you make a cat go "woof" ...
[YT video of "Cat gets caught barking ...]

I remember that video. A much better answer. :)

Offline BilliumMoto

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Re: Share a joke...
« Reply #14 on: August 05, 2011, 12:43:32 am »
Blonde Joke:

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Another (Not Blonde) joke:
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« Last Edit: August 05, 2011, 12:47:05 am by BilliumMoto »
~~~~~~
<0014> I told them to escort the injured people.
<0015> The other deserted house became prettier, so people \nnow occasionally take a peek at it.
^ Worst lines ever edited.

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http://youtu.be/tZbXHt3xPr8