Author Topic: Share a joke...  (Read 32521 times)

Offline Zarich

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Re: Share a joke...
« Reply #15 on: August 09, 2011, 11:16:49 pm »
I think i'll do a medium one one

A General and his Cadet were on a moving train. Sitting across of them was a Women and her Beautiful eighteen year old Daughter. The train went through a tunnel and while the train was dark there was shuffling sound and a loud, Audible Slap. Once the train got out of the tunnel the mother exclaims "The Cadet tried to kiss my daughter!"

What goes through the General's mind is Wow, the Cadet steals a kiss and I'm the one getting slapped for it

What goes through the Daughter's head is The Cadet tried to kiss me but accedentally kiss my mother

What goes through the Cadet's head was That was Fun, I got to Kiss the back of my hand, Slap the General and here comes another tunnel!

Offline APOCALYPSE

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Re: Share a joke...
« Reply #16 on: August 10, 2011, 12:00:14 pm »
So a guy walks into a bar...

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sup dood

Offline InfinityStream

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Re: Share a joke...
« Reply #17 on: August 10, 2011, 09:46:53 pm »
@APOCALYPSE

xD
I didn't like all those pics in my sig...

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Offline Zarich

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Re: Share a joke...
« Reply #18 on: August 11, 2011, 06:11:39 am »
I'll just post a random one that isn't really a joke and uses a lot of stereotypes.

So an Irishman, a British man and a Scotsman walk into are

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Offline Krozam

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Re: Share a joke...
« Reply #19 on: August 13, 2011, 02:55:25 pm »
Not exactly a joke, but I found this story absolutely hilarious, just had to share it. ;D


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Offline Nymphetamine2791

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Re: Share a joke...
« Reply #20 on: August 14, 2011, 11:39:03 pm »
Lmao, thanks for sharing that Krozam, +1, that was epic.

A buddy of mine showed me this, it's a little long, but it made me laugh at the end:
(click to show/hide)

Golf panties:

> The Swede’s wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.
>
> ‘Good God, woman! Why aren’t you wearing any skivvies?’, her husband demanded.
> ‘Well’ she said, ‘you don’t give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.’
>
> The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, ‘For the sake of decency, here’s a 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear..’
>
> Next, the Irishman’s wife bends over to set her ball on the tee.
> Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies.
> ‘Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You’ve no knickers. Why not?’
> She replies, ‘I can’t afford any on the money you give me.’
>
> Patrick reaches into his pocket and says, ‘For the sake of decency, here’s a 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear”!
>
> Lastly, the Scotsman’s wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
>
> ‘Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where the friggin hell are yer drawers?’ She too explains, ‘Ye dinnae gie me enough money tae be able tae afford any.’
>
> The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, ‘Well, fer the love ‘o decency, here’s a comb…. Tidy yersel up a bit.


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Offline ixlone

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Re: Share a joke...
« Reply #21 on: August 14, 2011, 11:49:07 pm »
Not a joke, but i found it amusing.


Offline Krozam

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Re: Share a joke...
« Reply #22 on: August 15, 2011, 01:21:43 am »
@Nymph: Haha, your first one was also very good. +1 right back at you. ;D

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Offline ixlone

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Re: Share a joke...
« Reply #23 on: August 15, 2011, 09:10:10 pm »
The Spider-Man (Also referred to as Spidermanning):

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Offline Hanover Fist

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Re: Share a joke...
« Reply #24 on: August 19, 2011, 03:36:29 pm »
A couple for you:

Burt was on his deathbed, with his wife Susan at his side. She held his cold hand as silent tears streamed down her face.
"Susan," he said, weakly.
"Hush," she interrupted. "Don't talk." But he insisted.
"Susan," he continued. "I have something to confess."
"There is nothing to confess," said the weeping Susan. "It's all right. Everything's all right."
"No, no. I must die in peace. I must confess, Susan, that I have been unfaithful to you."
Susan stroked his hand. "Now, Burt, don't be concerned. I know all about it," she sobbed.
"You do?" he gasped.
"Sure. Why else would I poison you?"


   A new Mercedes owner was out on an interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him. "There ain't no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100, 110 and finally 120 with the lights still behind him.
   "What in the world am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the car. "I've had a tough shift and this is my last pull-over. I don't feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go!"
   "Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"
   "On your way," said the officer.

Offline ixlone

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Re: Share a joke...
« Reply #25 on: August 20, 2011, 06:47:25 pm »
At a local Winery cellar door, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.
A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position.
The director of the warehouse wondered how to send him away.

They gave him a glass to drink.
He tried it and said, "It's a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in large old barrels. Low grade but acceptable." "That's correct", said the boss.

Another glass....

"It's a cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, new oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires
three more years for finest results.."

"Correct."

A third glass...

''It's a non-vintage pinot champagne, high grade and exclusive'' calmly said the drunk.

The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary to suggest something. She left the room and came back in with a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it. "It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant and if you don't give me the job, I'll name the father."

Offline CASANOVA

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Re: Share a joke...
« Reply #26 on: August 21, 2011, 09:47:28 am »
here is a classic joke


another good one

Offline Hanover Fist

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Re: Share a joke...
« Reply #27 on: August 21, 2011, 05:28:02 pm »
   A pregnant woman gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby.
   The doctor replies, "Ma'am you had twins! A boy and a girl. Your brother came in from out of town and named them."
   The woman thinks to herself, "No, not my brother ... he's an idiot!"
   She asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
   "Denise."
   "Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it! What's the boy's name?"
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Offline InfinityStream

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Re: Share a joke...
« Reply #28 on: August 21, 2011, 11:29:35 pm »
Got one joke and something I saw on Failbook.

Jesus can walk on water.
Humans are 70% water.
I can walk on humans.
Therefore, I am 70% Jesus.

And teh Image...


I lied. One moar!
I didn't like all those pics in my sig...

www.fark.com

Offline Hanover Fist

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Re: Share a joke...
« Reply #29 on: August 22, 2011, 01:01:08 am »
   A crusty old Infantry Colonel found himself at a gala event downtown, hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the colonel for conversation.
   She said, "Excuse me, sir, but you seem to be a very serious man. Are you this way all the time, or is something bothering you?"
   "No," the colonel said, "I'm just serious by nature."
   The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
   The colonel's short reply was, "Yep, a lot of action."
   The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a  conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little - relax  and enjoy yourself."
   The colonel just stared at her in his serious manner.
   Finally the young lady said, "You know, l hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"
   The colonel looked at her and replied, "1955."
   She said, "Well, there you go; you really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously - I mean, no sex since 1955, isn't that a little extreme?"
   The colonel, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "Oh, I don't know. It's only 2130 now."